comte_tildaneur

the horribe, dark, deadly truth about the next HP book, which will spoil all books for ever

2007-07-08T00:28:33Z

http://www.masquerademaskarts.com/memes/harrypotterspoiler.php

Your Harry Potter Spoiler of Doom is:

Hermione Granger turns into a giant spider whilst eating spaghetti alfredo

Harry gets pregnant by Dobby the House Elf using the Spectrespecs

le comte est un pimpe

2007-06-02T02:44:36Z

and i don't care that that's bad french.

chapter 19 of THE COUNTOF MONTE FATO is now up at http://count.teunc.org/montefato

AND: an outrageously belated happy birthday to morwen and morgil. and to anyone else i've missed.

le pimpe, c'est moi, or shameless plug redux

2006-12-10T01:52:48Z

Chapter 18 of The Count of Monte Fato is now up at http://count.teunc.org/montefato

who knew?

2006-10-29T02:12:00Z

lord voldemort is evidently an indefatigable blogger -- unlike me, who am an incredibly lazy one. (and yes, that is good grammar.)

http://fanfiction.mugglenet.com/viewstory.php?sid=58092

and btw, from now on my every utterance is canon.

utterly shameless plug

2006-09-17T02:29:41Z

the count of monte fato has been updated: http://count.teunc.org/montefato

what a load of lies

2006-08-13T01:36:36Z

have these people no shame?

http://fats.wikispaces.com

this is the sort of thing that gives rubbish a bad name.

potterology

2006-06-06T03:13:30Z

firstly, i will say that there's quite a lot to be said for the view asserted in alt.fan.harry-potter, that mcgonagall is evil. she did, after all, have a fairly disgusting affair with snape. and her stockings were a horcrux. but then, what, including mundungus's tobacco pipe, isn't. i'm strongly drawn to the view that the earth is a horcfrux and that the hero will have to destroy the world in order to save it. this will lead to a lot of angst, which is quite charming.

i said "the hero" and not "harry" above, because harry will be revealed to be evil. it's pretty obvious, when you come to think about it. he probably murdered cedric, certainly offed sirius, and then killed dumbledore while framing snape. can nothing abate his evil?

and by the way, those who think harry will marry hermione are delusional, because he will find true love with bellatrix.

and winky will end up being the true hero.

see ya!

Weed it and reap

2006-05-20T00:58:11Z

chapter 16 of the count of monte fato has been posted at http://count.teunc.org/montefato.

but beware! many have died in the attempt to read this.

novel: chapter 4

2006-04-27T06:12:46Z

chapter 4

while they were having disgusting sex, there was a knock at the door. "it is i," came a hissing voice.

"egad!" said memevska. "it is lollum!"

"lollum to my friends," sneered lollum, entering the dacha. "blogolai to you."

"what do you want?" huffed blogevna.

"i'm an authorial self-insertion," replied blogolai with a sinister laugh. "this novel is a mise-en-question of the very possibilit of writing."

"how ... common," yawned blogsky.

"now i'm going to kill you all off," said blogolai. he did.

"thank blog. that was one of the most appallingly bad literary lemons i ever had the misfortune of being a character in," were blogsky's last words. he was later reincarnated in a third-rate manga; happily, that didn't last long either.

novel: chapter 3

2006-04-21T00:43:15Z

"what is the meaning of life?" said blogsky.

"the meaning of life is that i'm kewl," said blogovich.

"No, it's not, you troll!" said blogenka. "how could i have committed adultery with you when you think like that? blecccch! the meaning of life is that the universe revolves around me!"

"the system sucks," said memevska. "let's have some more disgusting sex. i'm bored."

my literary debut

2006-03-28T04:42:54Z

first, an outrageously late happy birthday to jereeza. (i'm afraid i don't know how to create a link to other people's blogs.) thy gift is a year's supply of eau de Morgoule.

and now,the first chapter of my novel, which i will, coincidentally finish in a month:

chapter 1:

blogenka writhed in a disgustingly passionate embrace with blogovich, when her husband blogsky rushed in indignantly.

"not ANOTHER adulterous affair!" he kvetched. "this is getting banal!"

holiday paradise

2006-01-25T23:01:11Z

if you're looking for a ncie relaxing vacation from the daily grind, you can't do better than to visit our idyllic homeland and experience balrog hospitality at its fieriest:

http://count.teunc.org/rogs/rogs.html

what is this "new year's"?

2006-01-03T22:17:24Z

it seems to occur disconcertingly often. it feels just 2.5 minutes ago that we last heard the human scu...wildlife barking about new year's. the last time WE celebrated new year's, the humans were crossing the atlantic and killing other humans, which provided a mild reprieve from our frenetic partying in mt. pele.

here's a holiday present anyway: chapter 15 of The Count of Monte Fato has been published: http://count.teunc.org/montefato

mildly annoying

2005-11-26T02:57:24Z

i have begun my career as a despot, and on the whole find it a highly entertaining experience. however, the mass execution for 119 people was nowhere near as amusing as it ought to have been. i am very disappointed indeed in the extremely unaesthetic performance of my employees. they claim i didn't give them enough time to train on the new techniques. whingers.

i need to let it all out

2005-11-06T20:59:18Z

i've been feeling oppressed lately. the other balrogs keep laughing at me because my flame only goes up to 24475.38 degrees celsius and because i used to date elf-women. also i spared the life of a mortal the other day.

in other news: i've been listening to roghini's opera, rogherentola. it's about my sister, the one responsible for the pompeii incident. one of the mildly cool things about being immortal is that works of art were written about one's siblings 2000 years ago.

terror strikes

2005-11-01T04:14:16Z

greetings, mortals. i am count tildaneur, a balrogue or demon of terrible aspect. and i am here to issue a warning. this is not a blog a conventioally understood, but an advice column. (emphasis on the *vice*.) if you have broplems because your inlaws are appalling slobs whose cave is overrun with hmunsa (balrog-pidgin for "human scum"), or because Eru sank your island yet AGAIN, you have come to the right place. but beware! if you heed my advice, your soul will my thrall for ever. (if you DON'T heed, yet worse things may happen.) for i aim at nothing less than utter submission to my inexorable will.